DRAMATIS PERSONAE

Sir Marmaduke Pointdextre, an Elderly Baronet

Alexis, of the Grenadier Guards--His Son

Dr. Daly, Vicar of Ploverleigh

John Wellington Wells, of J. W. Wells & Co., Family Sorcerers

Lady Sangazure, a Lady of Ancient Lineage

Aline, Her Daughter--betrothed to Alexis

Mrs. Partlet, a Pew-Opener

Constance, her Daughter

Chorus of Villagers 


 (Twelve hours are supposed to elapse between Acts I and II)

 ACT II-- Grounds of Sir Marmaduke's Mansion, Midnight


Scene--Exterior of Sir Marmaduke's mansion by moonlight. All the
 peasantry are discovered asleep on the ground, as at the end
 of Act I.

Enter Mr. Wells, on tiptoe, followed by Alexis and Aline. Mr. Wells
 carries a dark lantern.

 TRIO--ALEXIS, ALINE, and MR. WELLS

 'Tis twelve, I think,
 And at this mystic hour
 The magic drink
 Should manifest its power.
 Oh, slumbering forms,
 How little ye have guessed
 That fire that warms
 Each apathetic breast!

ALEXIS. But stay, my father is not here!

ALINE. And pray where is my mother dear?

MR. WELLS. I did not think it meet to see
 A dame of lengthy pedigree,
 A Baronet and K.C.B.
 A Doctor of Divinity,
 And that respectable Q.C.,
 All fast asleep, al-fresco-ly,
 And so I had them taken home
 And put to bed respectably!
 I trust my conduct meets your approbation.

ALEXIS. Sir, you have acted with discrimination,
 And shown more delicate appreciation
 Than we expect of persons of your station.

MR. WELLS. But stay--they waken one by one --
 The spell has worked--the deed is done!
 I would suggest that we retire
 While Love, the Housemaid, lights her kitchen
 fire!

(Exeunt Mr. Wells, Alexis and Aline, on tiptoe, as the villagers
 stretch their arms, yawn, rub their eyes, and sit up.)

MEN. Why, where be oi, and what be oi a doin',
 A sleepin' out, just when the dews du rise?
GIRLS. Why, that's the very way your health to ruin,
 And don't seem quite respectable likewise!
MEN (staring at girls). Eh, that's you!
 Only think o' that now!
GIRLS (coyly). What may you be at, now?
 Tell me, du!
MEN (admiringly). Eh, what a nose,
 And eh, what eyes, miss!
 Lips like a rose,
 And cheeks likewise, miss!
GIRLS (coyly). Oi tell you true,
 Which I've never done, sir,
 Oi loike you
 As I never loiked none, sir!
ALL. Eh, but oi du loike you!
MEN. If you'll marry me, I'll dig for you and
 rake for you!
GIRLS. If you'll marry be, I'll scrub for you
 and bake for you!
MEN. If you'll marry me, all others I'll
 forsake for you!
ALL. All this will I du, if you marry
 me!
GIRLS. If you'll marry me, I'll cook for you
 and brew for you!
MEN. If you'll marry me, I've guineas not a
 few for you!
GIRLS. If you'll marry me, I'll take you in and
 du for you!
ALL. All this will I du, if you'll marry me!
 Eh, but I do loike you!

 Country Dance

(At end of dance, enter Constance in tears, leading Notary, who
 carries an ear-trumpet)

 Aria--CONSTANCE

 Dear friends, take pity on my lot,
 My cup is not of nectar!
 I long have loved--as who would not?--
 Our kind and reverend rector.
 Long years ago my love began
 So sweetly--yet so sadly--
 But when I saw this plain old man,
 Away my old affection ran--
 I found I loved him madly.
 Oh!

(To Notary) You very, very plain old man,
 I love, I love you madly!
CHORUS. You very, very plain old man,
 She loves, she loves you madly!
NOTARY. I am a very deaf old man,
 And hear you very badly!

CONST. I know not why I love him so;
 It is enchantment, surely!
 He's dry and snuffy, deaf and slow
 Ill-tempered, weak and poorly!
 He's ugly, and absurdly dressed,
 And sixty-seven nearly,
 He's everything that I detest,
 But if the truth must be confessed,
 I love him very dearly!
 Oh!

(To Notary) You're everything that I detest,
 But still I love you dearly!

CHORUS. You've everything that girls detest,
 But still she loves you dearly!

NOTARY. I caught that line, but for the rest,
 I did not hear it clearly!

(During this verse Aline and Alexis have entered at back
 unobserved.)

 ALINE AND ALEXIS

ALEXIS. Oh joy! oh joy!
 The charm works well,
 And all are now united.

ALINE. The blind young boy
 Obeys the spell,
 And troth they all have plighted!

 ENSEMBLE

 Aline & Alexis Constance Notary

Oh joy! oh joy! Oh, bitter joy! Oh joy! oh joy!
 The charm works well, No words can tell No words can tell
 And all are now united! How my poor heart My state of mind
The blind young boy is blighted! delighted.
 Obeys the spell, They'll soon employ They'll soon employ
 A marriage bell,