Christopher John Brennan

Here you will find the Long Poem The Twilight Of Disquietude of poet Christopher John Brennan

The Twilight Of Disquietude

Scant majesty of stars prevails 
across the uncreated night, 
and fate is in the wind that wails 
or clamours on the lonely height. 

The years that go to make me man 
this day are told a score and six 
that should have set me magian 
o'er my half-souls that struggle and mix. 
But wisdom still remains a star 
just hung within my aching ken, 
and common prudence dwells afar 
among contented homes of men. 
In wide revolt and ruin tost 
against whatever is or seems 
my futile heart still wanders lost 
in the same vast and impotent dreams. 
On either hand life hurries by 
its common joy, its common mirth; 
I reach vague hands of sympathy, 
a ghost upon this common earth. 

I said, And let horizons tempt 
and windy gates of eastern flame, 
henceforth my place is close and kempt 
who know their mockery the same. 
Tho' nearer to my humble garth 
no star may win its law's release, 
patience shall tend my modest hearth 
and trim a golden flame of peace, 
wherein, perchance, from near and far 
shall mingle boons right glad to wed, 
the mild ray of the distant star 
and the mild oil earth's patience bred. 
? No roof-tree join'd the unfinish'd walls; 
no lamp might shine, nor hearth-fire burn: 
only the wind ? the wind that calls ? 
may sing me welcome..who return. 

The pangs that guard the gates of joy 
the naked sword that will be kist, 
how distant seem'd they to the boy, 
white flashes in the rosy mist! 
Ah, not where tender play was screen'd 
in the light heart of leafy mirth 
of that obdurate might we ween'd 
that shakes the sure repose of earth. 
And sudden, 'twixt a sun and sun, 
the veil of dreaming is withdrawn: 
lo, our disrupt dominion 
and mountains solemn in the dawn; 
hard paths that chase the dayspring's white, 
and glooms that hold the nether heat: 
oh, strange the world upheaved from night, 
oh, dread the life before our feet! 

My heart was wandering in the sands, 
a restless thing, a scorn apart; 
Love set his fire in my hands, 
I clasped the flame unto my heart. 
Surely, I said, my heart shall turn 
one fierce delight of pointed flame; 
and in that holocaust shall burn 
its old unrest and scorn and shame: 
surely my heart the heavens at last 
shall storm with fiery orisons, 
and know, enthroned in the vast, 
the fervid peace of molten suns. 
The flame that feeds upon my heart 
fades or flares, by wild winds controll'd: 
my heart still walks a thing apart, 
my heart is restless as of old. 

The banners of the king unfold 
to tend me on my evening way: 
my trumpets flood the air with gold; 
my pride uplifts the vanquish'd day. 
The riches of my heart are bled 
to feed the passion of the west: 
the limpid springs of life are shed, 
and Beauty bares her secret breast. 
Hasten, O night with nuptial breath! 
O hour remote from any face! 
vain-glories fade to sweetest death 
heart-whelm'd in her divine embrace. 

What of the battles I would win? 
alas! their glory is unheard: 
the wind of song wakes not their din 
wandering in shadowy glens unstirr'd. 
? And the great sorrows that I dream'd? 
not all unscathed I thought to rise 
high in the dateless dawn, redeem'd, 
and bare before eternal eyes. 
? And is it then the end of dream? 
O heart, that long'd for splendid woe, 
our shame to endure this dire extreme 
of joy we scorned so long ago! 

Disaster drives the shatter'd night 
before its coming thro' the deep: 
the soul is swept with monstrous flight 
of fears upstartled from their sleep. 
Its silent heaven is rolled away, 
and shaken stars flit to and fro: 
the mother-face is livid grey 
with dumb apocalypse of woe. 
The heart that knows its naked doom 
awaits the unspoken shock of fate: 
perchance, beyond these powers that loom 
its hidden god shall rise more great. 

The mother-deep, wise, yearning, bound, 
I feel it press beneath my heart, 
the deep where I were free and crown'd 
o'er mine own realm, alone, apart. 
It haunts, a grey unlit abysm, 
thro' solitary eyelet-slits 
pierced in the mean inflicted schism 
where day deludes my purblind wits. 
But mighty hands have lock'd the keep 
and flung the key, long ages past: 
there lies no way into the deep 
that is myself, alone, aghast. 

What do I know? myself alone, 
a gulf of uncreated night, 
wherein no star may e'er be shown 
save I create it in my might. 
What have I done? Oh foolish word, 
and foolish deed your question craves! 
think ye the sleeping depths are stirr'd 
tho' tempest hound the madden'd waves? 
What do I seek? I seek the word 
that shall become the deed of might 
whereby the sullen gulfs are stirr'd 
and stars begotten on their