Here you will find the Poem In Despair of poet Constantine P Cavafy
He has lost him completely. And now he is seeking on the lips of every new lover the lips of his beloved; in the embrace of every new lover he seeks to be deluded that he is the same lad, that it it to him he is yielding. He has lost him copmletely, as if he had never been at all. For he wanted -- so he said -- he wanted to be saved from the stigmatized, the sick sensual delight; from the stigmatized, sensual delight of shame. There was still time -- as he said -- to be saved. He has lost him completely, as if he had never been at all. In his imagination, in his delusions, on the lips of others it is his lips he is seeking; he is longing to feel again the love he has known.