Three other soldier blokes 'n' me packed 
'ome from foreign lands; 
Bit into each the God of Battles' everlastin' 
brands. 
They limped in time, 'n' coughed in tune, 'n' 
one was short an ear, 
'N' one was short a tier of ribs 'n' all was 
short of beer. 
I speaks up like a temp'rance gent, 
But ever since the sky was bent 
The thirst of man 'as never yet bin squenched 
with argument. 

Bill's skull was welded all across, Jim 'ad an 
eye in soak, 
Sam 'obbled on a patent leg, 'n' every man 
was broke; 
They sang a song of ?Mother? with their faces 
titled up. 
Says Bill-o: ?'Ere's yer 'eroes, sling the 
bloomin' votive cup! 
We got no beer, the soup was bad- 
Now oo will stand the soldier lad 
The swag of honest liquor that for years he 
hasn't 'ad?? 

Sez I: ?Respeck yer uniform! Remember 
oo you are!? 
They'd pinched a wicker barrer, 'arf a pram 
'n' 'arf a car. 
In this ole Bill-o nestled 'neath a blanket, on 
his face 
A someone's darlin' sorter look, a touch iv 
boy'ood's grace. 
The gentle ladies stopped to 'ear, 
'N' dropped a symperthetic tear, 
A dollar or a deener for the pore haff1ict 
dear. 

The others trucked the wounded to a hentrance 
up a lane. 
I sez: ?Sich conduck's shameful!? Bill-o 
took to ease his pain 
One long 'un and another. The conductor 
picked his brand; 
The gripman lent his countenance to wot he 
'ad in 'and. 
And when they moved their stand 'twas 
Sam 
Lay pale 'n' peaceful in the pram, 
'N' twenty flappers stroked his paw, 'n' said 
he was a lamb. 

The gathered in the tokens and they blooed 
'em as above, 
While Jim-o done the hinvalid 'oom Sammy 
had to shove. 
Sez I: ?No noble 'eroes what's bin fightin' 
for their king 
Should smirch theirselves by doin' this dis- 
'onerable thing.? 
But fine old gents 'n' donahs prim 
They stopped 'n' slid the beans to Jim. 
You betcher life I let 'im hear just what I 
though of 'im. 

Nine, g.m. at St. Kilder, saw the finish of the 
prowl. 
Each 'ad his full-'n'-plentv, and was blowin' 
in the tow'l. 
As neither bloke cud stand alone, they leaned 
'n' argufied 
Which was the patient sufferer oo's turn it was 
to ride. 
Each 'eld a san'wich and a can. 
Sez I: ?This shouldn't 'ave began- 
'Tain't conduck wot it worthy of a soldier and 
a man.? 

I cud 'a' cried with injured pride. Afore a 
push the three 
Got scrappin', vague 'n' foolish, which the 
cripple boy should be. 
Sam slips his scientific leg, 'n' flings it in the 
drain- 
?I'll auto 'ome,? he sez, ?or never see me 
'ome again.? 
But I am thinkin' 'ard oo he 
Tucked 'elpiess in the pram might be. 
Comes sudden reckerlection. Great Gohan- 
ners, it is me!