The terrible things that the Governor 
Of Kansas says alarm me; 
And yet somehow we won the war 
In spite of the Regular Army.

The things they say of the old N.G. 
Are bitter and cruel and hard; 
And yet we walloped the enemy 
In spite of the National Guard.

Too late, too late, was our work begun; 
Too late were our forces sent; 
And yet we smeared the horrible Hun 
In spite of the President.

"What a frightful flivver this Baker is!" 
Cried many a senator; 
And yet we handed the Kaiser his 
In spite of the Sec. of War.

A sadly incompetent, sinful crew 
Is that of the recent fight; 
And yet we put it across, we do, 
In spite of a lot of spite.