After working hard all day
 In the office,
How much worse on homeward way
 My old cough is!
Barney's Bar is gaily lit,
 Let me stop there;
Just to buck me up a bit
 Have a drop there.

As I stand beside the screen
 Hesitating,
I have thought of how Noreen
 Will be waiting;
Baby Patsy in her lap
 Gay and laughing,
While at Barney's foaming tap
 I am quaffing.

Barney's Bar is mighty bright,
 Looks so cheery.
Wonder what I'll drink tonight?
 Gee! I'm weary.
Will I have Scotch or Rye?
 Bourbon maybe . . .
Then I see with mental eye
 Wife and baby.

So I say 'tis malted milk
 I'll be skoffin';
Sooth my throttle sleek as silk,
 Ease my coughin' . . .
Say, I love them two to death,
 Sure they miss me:
With no whisky on my breath
 How they'll kiss me!