'Nay; I don't need a hearing aid'
 I told Mama-in-law;
'For if I had I'd be afraid
 Of your eternal jaw;
Although at me you often shout,
 I'm undisturbed;
To tell the truth I can't make out
 A single word.'

And it's the same with others who
 Attempt to gab at me;
I listen to their point of view
 And solemnly agree.
To story stale and silly joke
 Stone deaf's my ear;
Each day a dozen stupid folk
 I fail to hear.

So silence that should be my grief
 Is my escape and shield;
From spiteful speech and base relief
 My aural sense is sealed.
And in my cosy cot of peace
 I close the door.
Praising the gods for rich relief
 From fool and bore.