In Saginaw, in Saginaw, 
The wind blows up your feet, 
When the ladies? guild puts on a feed, 
There?s beans on every plate, 
And if you eat more than you should, 
Destruction is complete. 


Out Hemlock Way there is a stream 
That some have called Swan Creek; 
The turtles have bloodsucker sores, 
And mossy filthy feet; 
The bottoms of migrating ducks 
Come off it much less neat. 


In Saginaw, in Saginaw, 
Bartenders think no ill; 
But they?ve ways of indicating when 
You are not acting well: 
They throw you through the front plate glass 
And then send you the bill. 


The Morleys and the Burrows are 
The aristocracy; 
A likely thing for they?re no worse 
Than the likes of you or me,? 
A picture window?s one you can?t 
Raise up when you would pee. 


In Shaginaw, in Shaginaw 
I went to Shunday Shule; 
The only thing I ever learned 
Was called the Golden Rhule,? 
But that?s enough for any man 
What?s not a proper fool. 


I took the pledge cards on my bike; 
I helped out with the books; 
The stingy members when they signed 
Made with their stingy looks,? 
The largest contributions came 
From the town?s biggest crooks. 


In Saginaw, in Saginaw, 
There?s never a household fart, 
For if it did occur, 
It would blow the place apart,? 
I met a woman who could break wind 
And she is my sweet-heart. 


O, I?m the genius of the world,? 
Of that you can be sure, 
But alas, alack, and me achin? back, 
I?m often a drunken boor; 
But when I die?and that won?t be soon? 
I?ll sing with dear Tom Moore, 
With that lovely man, Tom Moore. 

Coda: 


My father never used a stick, 
He slapped me with his hand; 
He was a Prussian through and through 
And knew how to command; 
I ran behind him every day 
He walked our greenhouse land. 


I saw a figure in a cloud, 
A child upon her breast, 
And it was O, my mother O, 
And she was half-undressed, 
All women, O, are beautiful 
When they are half-undressed.