Who has a thing to bring 
For a gift to our lord the king, 
Our king all kings above? 
A young girl brought him love; 
And he dowered her with shame, 
With a sort of infamous fame, 
And then with lonely years 
Of penance and bitter tears -- 
Love is scarcely the thing 
To bring as a gift for our king. 

Who has a thing to bring 
For a gift to our lord the king? 
A statesman brought him planned 
Justice for all the land; 
And he in recompense got 
Fierce struggle with brigue and plot, 
Then a fall from lofty place 
Into exile and disgrace -- 
Justice is never the thing 
To bring as a gift for our king. 

Who has a thing to bring 
For a gift to our lord the king? 
A writer brought him truth; 
And first he imprisoned the youth, 
And then he bestowed a free pyre 
That the works might have plenty of fire, 
And also to cure the pain 
Of the headache called thought in the brain -- 
Truth is a very bad thing 
To bring as a gift for our king. 

Who has a thing to bring 
For a gift to our lord the king? 
The people brought their sure 
Loyalty fervid and pure; 
And he gave them bountiful spoil 
Of taxes and hunger and toil, 
Ignorance, brutish plight, 
And wholesale slaughter in fight -- 
Loyalty's quite the worst thing 
To bring as a gift for our king. 

Who has a thing to bring 
For a gift to our lord the king? 
A courtier brought to his feet 
Servility graceful and sweet, 
With an ever ready smile 
And an ever supple guile; 
And he got in reward the place 
Of the statesman in disgrace -- 
Servility's always a thing 
To bring as a gift for our king. 

Who has a thing to bring 
For a gift to our lord the king? 
A soldier brought him war, 
La gloire, la victoire, 
Ravage and carnage and groans, 
For the pious Te Deum tones; 
And he got in return for himself 
Rank and honors and pelf -- 
War is a very fine thing 
To bring as a gift for our king. 

Who has a thing to bring 
For a gift to our lord the king? 
A harlot brought him her flesh, 
Her lusts, and the manifold mesh 
Of her wiles intervolved with caprice; 
And he gave her his realm to fleece, 
To corrupt, to ruin, and gave 
Himself for her toy and her slave 
Harlotry's just the thing 
To bring as a gift for our king. 

Who has a thing to bring 
For a gift to our lord the king, 
Our king who fears to die? 
A priest brought him a lie, 
The blackness of hell uprolled 
In heaven's shining gold; 
And he got as guerdon for that 
A see and a cardinal's hat -- 
A lie is an excellent thing 
To bring as a gift for our king. 

Has any one yet a thing 
For a gift to our lord the king? 
The country gave him a tomb, 
A magnificent sleeping-room; 
And for this it obtained some rest, 
Clear riddance of many a pest, 
And a hope which it much enjoyed 
That the throne would continue void -- 
A tomb is the very best thing 
For a gift to our lord the king.